.tiara squats.

8th grader to me: "Have you considered joining Princess Bootcamp?"

.subrbatory.

2nd grader: "I'm sorry if I'm not myself today, I'm in a bad mood."

Me: "I'm sorry, what is bothering you?"

2nd grader: "I'm moving to the suburbs."

.smoking.

6th grader 1: "Smoking can kill you OR change your life."

6th grader 2: "Or all four."

.cannibalism.

Somehow cannibalism was brought up in history class

8th grader: "Yeah, cannibalism. Like Jeffrey Dahmer."

Teacher: "How do you know about Jeffrey Dahmer?"

8th grader: "From that Ke$ha song."

.hellllloooooooo.

3rd grader: "I just saw a new movie over the weekend. You probably have never heard of it, it is called 'Mrs. Doubtfire'."

.becoming you.

6th grader 1: "Hey! What are you doing with my jean shorts on?!"

6th grader 2: "These aren't yours!"

6th grader 1: "Yeah they are! I left them at your house when I slept over!"

6th grader 2: "Hahaha. I'm becoming you! I'm a part of you now!"

6th grader 1: (frustrated) "NO! That is not how it works!!!"

.NPR fan.

6th grader 1: "He is not a fan of NPR."

6th grader 2: "SCREW HIM!"

.space real estate.

6th grader to me: "Do you want to buy an acre of land on Mars?"

Me: "Sure. How much?"

6th grader: "$21 an acre."

Me: "Sounds like a deal!"

6th grader: "Yeah, I don't know the website, but you can find it online to buy the land."

.fake marriage.

Computer Lab after school

8th grader: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Watching one of those hidden camera shows where people surprise propose to each other."

8th grader: "What if someone asked someone to marry them on the second date, but the person asked as a joke, but the person that was asked said, 'yes'. Then the person that asked would say, 'I'll do it, but just know that it was a joke'."

.sea stories.

6th grader: "If I was a pirate, I would have two wooden legs.

Me: "That is interesting. Why is that?"

6th grader: "I could make up any story I want."