Monday, November 28, 2011

.this is no game.

8:25 am

The students are playing a 'pass the ball' type game where if you drop the ball you are out. A student is passed the ball, bobbles it, and drops it on the ground.

6th grader: (drops to knees and cries to the heavens) "Curse you destiny!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

.dance party.

The 6th graders were ready for break. I turned this song on and everyone started a pre-Thanksgiving dance party.

.evil hair.

English Class

6th grader: "You shaved your mustache!"

Me: "I did. It was time."

6th grader: "I'm glad. You looked evil. In my personal opinion, facial hair is evil."

Monday, November 21, 2011

.cover band.


Once a month we have a talent show. Two Seniors were introduced to the stage. One of them steps up to the mic. The other sits behind a piano.

Senior (at the mic): "Hello we are a Nicki Manaj cover band. We are Sticky Garage.

(looks at piano player)

Senior (at mic): "Hit it!"

They do a slowed down version of 'Super Bass' made for a lounge act in the 70s.

Friday, November 18, 2011



6th grader to me: "I love your mustache. It is great, but it scares me sometimes."



6th grader: "I heard it was your birthday yesterday."

Me: "It was."

6th grader: (grabs both my shoulders) "YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!"

Monday, November 14, 2011

.mint beard.

Lunch Room

6th grader: "You have an Altoid stuck in your beard."

Me: (feeling beard) "Huh?! I do. I do."

I pick it out of my beard and put it in my mouth.

6th grader: (disgusted) "Uhhhh!!!"

Me: "What?! Did you want it?"

6th grader: (nervous laughing) "No!!!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

.bring down the house.

Study Hall

Me: "Hey guys, why was 11 afraid of itself?"

6th grader 1: "I don't know."

Me: "Because 11/8/11"

6th grader 1: "I don't get it."

Me: "It was afraid of itself because it ate itself, but it is a play on words with today's date as well."

6th grader 1: "Oh, okay."

6th grader 2: "What did zero say to eight?...... Nice belt!"

(everyone laughs)

6th grader 3: "Oh Oh, what is three's worst nightmare?"

Me: "Okay, I'm sorry, but we have to start study hall. No more number jokes"

6th grader 4: "I have a joke about LeBron!"

6th grader 1: (earnestly) "I got to hear this!!"

Me: "Don't pressure me into listening to a LeBron James joke."

Monday, November 7, 2011

.facial hair.

Lunch Room

Me: "Guys, should I shave my beard into a mustache for Movember?"

6th graders: "Oh, yeah!"

6th grader 1: "You should shave it into a mustache and say, 'brother', a lot!"

6th grader 2: "Oh, yeah. (in a deep voice) Hey, Brother!"


Lunch Room

8th grader enters the salad bar area looks at the salad bar and pauses for a moment.

8th grader: "Where are the hot (voice cracks) peppers?! Ahhhhh! (looks at me) That is the sixth time today. Four is my record."

Friday, November 4, 2011

.a fine how do you do.


Me: "Good Morning!"

8th grader (arguably the toughest student in the grade): "Good morrow, my sweet prince!"

.soup is on.

Lunch Room

3rd grader: (after reading the soup menu) "Organic Carrot Soup?! What kind of place is this?!"

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

.reverse staring contest.

Homework Club

7th grader: "Have you ever had a reverse staring contest?"

Me: "No, what is that?"

7th grader: "It is when you close your eyes and the first person to open them loses."

Me: "Okay, I'll play."

7th grader: "Yes! Ready, Set, Go!"

(both of us close our eyes)

A solid 45 seconds of silence passes.

Me: "Did you open your eyes."

No answer

(I reach out my hands to see if they are still there. No one is there. I am left in the room by myself)

The student returns giggling to the point of not being able to stand up.

.theme party.

Homework Club

8th grader: "If I have a Bar Mitzvah I would only have Beach Balls, Bubble Wrap, and Toilet Paper."

Me: "That sounds awesome."

8th grader: "Yeah! Everyone would have to wear heels so the bubble wrap would pop!"

Me: "And the toilet paper?"

8th grader: (with a disgusted face) "To throw."

.party time.

Homework Club

7th grader: "I hate it when you are at a Bar Mitzvah and they say, 'Okay everyone, we are going to play the clean up game.' We all know it is a trick to get us to clean up."

8th grader: "Yeah! I know! They did that at my friends Bar Mitzvah. What a trickery-roo-rah."