Friday, October 29, 2010

.over the counter.

Middle School Computer Lab

Friday before Halloween

8th grader: "I would have gone as Rush Limbaugh, but my Dad didn't want me bringing Vicodin to school."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

.you know what I mean.

6th grade advisory before school
8:25 am

A group of students are playing the card game, Apples to Apples. Apparently, the cards were not shuffled well enough because Cindy Crawford showed up in the next round.

6th grader: "Cindy Crawford?! I just did her!"

6th grade class bursts out in laughter.

6th grader (looking at me): "C'mon, you know what I mean!"

More laughter.....

6th grader: "This is a sick world."

Monday, October 25, 2010

.start the fire.

lunch time

6th grader is halfway done with eating a bag of flaming hot cheetos.

6th grader: "My mouth is on fire! I need something cool to make it stop."

he runs inside and returns with a chocolate pudding cup.

6ht grader: "Aw, this is the best! My mouth still hurts, but the chocolate makes me forget it for a second."

.you ring the doorbell.

heard from Mr. Hudetz in the hallway.

8th grader 1: "Are you going trick or treating?"

8th grader 2: "No man, I'm Jewish."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

.opposite of small.

I visited a Kindergarten class to say hello to the teacher and the class. This was what was said within the first 30 seconds.

Teacher: "Class, I would like to introduce you to our new friend."

Kindergartener 1: "Whoa, you're big!"

Kindergartener 2: "Can you touch the ceiling?"

Kindergartener 3: "Yeah, touch the ceiling!"

Kindergartener 1: "My uncle is so big, that he can't even fit in our basement."

Kindergartener 2: "Touch the ceiling!"

Me: "Thank you. I know, I'm really big.

Teacher: "Mr. Kimball helped us put up things on the wall that we couldn't reach."

Kindergartener 2: "Can you touch the ceiling?"

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

.pay up.

6th grade lunch room
12: 22 pm

Me: "Did you see the giraffe at the zoo?!"

6th grader 1: "Yeah, but I hate zoos, they hurt animals."

Me: "Yeah, but it gives people a chance to see animals that they would never have the opportunity to see in person."

6th grader 1: "I still don't like them."

Me: "What should we do then?"

6th grader 2: "Pay a rock to be a giraffe."

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

.across the pond.

6th grade lunch

6th grader 1: "I can't wait for snow!"

Me: "You didn't have snow in England?"

6th grader 1: "No, not a lot of snow."

6th grader 2: (in Australian accent) "England, mate!"

6th grader 1: "You are horrible at that."

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

.say i do.

Middle School Computer Lab

They are doing research on famous people with Latin American heritage.

7th grader 1: "My guy has been married six times! And he is only 64!"

7th grader 2: "I've never been married. Well, I was married once, we have this thing at camp where you can marry anyone you want. I always marry a counselor."

Me: "Hey now!!"

7th grader 2: "IT WAS CAMP."

.give me your money.

6th grade lunch table

6th grader: "What is a ponzi scheme?"

Me: "That is a story in itself."

6th grader: "My friend and I had a ponzi scheme at a block party once. We sold fake signed baseball cards. We made like $150."

Me: "Did you sign the cards?"

6th grader: "We both did."

Me: "What if you got caught?"

6th grader: "We'd just buy more, duh!"

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

.control + v.

Middle School computer lab

Teacher: "You may not copy and paste anything onto your document from the internet. That defeats the purpose of you doing your own work."

8th grader: "What if you copy and paste a sentence."

Teacher: "I think I made myself clear."

other 8th grader: "Can you copy and paste information onto your document?"

(students grumble in disbelief)

Teacher: "I'm moving on."

.bad spy.

6th grade lunch table

6th grader: "There was this show in England that was only for two shows. It was horrible."

Me: "What made it bad?"

6th grader: "I don't know, but it had to be really bad, because they killed the spy in the second episode."

Me: "Really?! What was it called?"

6th grader: "I'm not sure. I think it was called, Spyopolous. It was really bad."

Monday, October 4, 2010

.political savant.

6ht grade lunch table

6th grader: "There is this website called 'Idiot Politicians'. It had only had three pictures on it. George W. Bush making a speech, John McCain, and one other one.......Oh, yeah! Sarah Palin. I thought it was hilarious, because I know a lot about politics."

.the worst locksmith.

6th grade Lunch Table

6th grader 1: "I was on this website called 'Idiot Sightings' and there was this story of a locksmith who was helping this lady that locked her keys in her car. After about 2 hours working on the car, he opened up the other side door. The lady asked, 'That door is open?!" The locksmith answered, "Yeah, I got this one open, I am just working on the other one now."

6th grader 2 (laughing): "I'm just working on the other one now."

6th grader 1 (laughing at his own joke): "I am just working on the other one now."