Monday, December 5, 2011

.beginner's luck.

Basketball court during lunch

Shooting hoops with a 6th grader. I make the first basket.

6th grader: "Beginner's luck!"

I make the second shot.

6th grader: "Beginner's luck two, the Son of Beginner's Luck!"

I make the third shot.

6th grader: "Second Cousin of Beginner's Luck!"

Monday, November 28, 2011

.this is no game.

8:25 am

The students are playing a 'pass the ball' type game where if you drop the ball you are out. A student is passed the ball, bobbles it, and drops it on the ground.

6th grader: (drops to knees and cries to the heavens) "Curse you destiny!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

.dance party.

The 6th graders were ready for break. I turned this song on and everyone started a pre-Thanksgiving dance party.

.evil hair.

English Class

6th grader: "You shaved your mustache!"

Me: "I did. It was time."

6th grader: "I'm glad. You looked evil. In my personal opinion, facial hair is evil."

Monday, November 21, 2011

.cover band.


Once a month we have a talent show. Two Seniors were introduced to the stage. One of them steps up to the mic. The other sits behind a piano.

Senior (at the mic): "Hello we are a Nicki Manaj cover band. We are Sticky Garage.

(looks at piano player)

Senior (at mic): "Hit it!"

They do a slowed down version of 'Super Bass' made for a lounge act in the 70s.

Friday, November 18, 2011



6th grader to me: "I love your mustache. It is great, but it scares me sometimes."



6th grader: "I heard it was your birthday yesterday."

Me: "It was."

6th grader: (grabs both my shoulders) "YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!"

Monday, November 14, 2011

.mint beard.

Lunch Room

6th grader: "You have an Altoid stuck in your beard."

Me: (feeling beard) "Huh?! I do. I do."

I pick it out of my beard and put it in my mouth.

6th grader: (disgusted) "Uhhhh!!!"

Me: "What?! Did you want it?"

6th grader: (nervous laughing) "No!!!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

.bring down the house.

Study Hall

Me: "Hey guys, why was 11 afraid of itself?"

6th grader 1: "I don't know."

Me: "Because 11/8/11"

6th grader 1: "I don't get it."

Me: "It was afraid of itself because it ate itself, but it is a play on words with today's date as well."

6th grader 1: "Oh, okay."

6th grader 2: "What did zero say to eight?...... Nice belt!"

(everyone laughs)

6th grader 3: "Oh Oh, what is three's worst nightmare?"

Me: "Okay, I'm sorry, but we have to start study hall. No more number jokes"

6th grader 4: "I have a joke about LeBron!"

6th grader 1: (earnestly) "I got to hear this!!"

Me: "Don't pressure me into listening to a LeBron James joke."

Monday, November 7, 2011

.facial hair.

Lunch Room

Me: "Guys, should I shave my beard into a mustache for Movember?"

6th graders: "Oh, yeah!"

6th grader 1: "You should shave it into a mustache and say, 'brother', a lot!"

6th grader 2: "Oh, yeah. (in a deep voice) Hey, Brother!"


Lunch Room

8th grader enters the salad bar area looks at the salad bar and pauses for a moment.

8th grader: "Where are the hot (voice cracks) peppers?! Ahhhhh! (looks at me) That is the sixth time today. Four is my record."

Friday, November 4, 2011

.a fine how do you do.


Me: "Good Morning!"

8th grader (arguably the toughest student in the grade): "Good morrow, my sweet prince!"

.soup is on.

Lunch Room

3rd grader: (after reading the soup menu) "Organic Carrot Soup?! What kind of place is this?!"

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

.reverse staring contest.

Homework Club

7th grader: "Have you ever had a reverse staring contest?"

Me: "No, what is that?"

7th grader: "It is when you close your eyes and the first person to open them loses."

Me: "Okay, I'll play."

7th grader: "Yes! Ready, Set, Go!"

(both of us close our eyes)

A solid 45 seconds of silence passes.

Me: "Did you open your eyes."

No answer

(I reach out my hands to see if they are still there. No one is there. I am left in the room by myself)

The student returns giggling to the point of not being able to stand up.

.theme party.

Homework Club

8th grader: "If I have a Bar Mitzvah I would only have Beach Balls, Bubble Wrap, and Toilet Paper."

Me: "That sounds awesome."

8th grader: "Yeah! Everyone would have to wear heels so the bubble wrap would pop!"

Me: "And the toilet paper?"

8th grader: (with a disgusted face) "To throw."

.party time.

Homework Club

7th grader: "I hate it when you are at a Bar Mitzvah and they say, 'Okay everyone, we are going to play the clean up game.' We all know it is a trick to get us to clean up."

8th grader: "Yeah! I know! They did that at my friends Bar Mitzvah. What a trickery-roo-rah."

Monday, October 24, 2011

.truth bomb.

Computer Lab after school

7th grader: (looks behind) "I didn't just fart. What?! I just did fart."

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

.ba ba ba.

Study Hall

6th grader doing research on black sheep (the animal)

6th grader: (reading off the computer screen aloud) "There are over a million black sheep in the New Zealand, and they are pissed off."

.exotic cuisine.

Study Hall

6th grader to another 6th grader.

6th grader 1: "What is the most exotic food you have ever eaten?"

6th grader 2: (without hesitating) "Kangaroo."

6th grader 1: "Nice! I have had kangaroo before and dog tongue. Also, a butterfly, a flower, a worm, a cigarette, a caviar staircase, a rock, a hamburger that was really a sorbet, cat, and dung."

The other student isn't fazed by any of the items listed and continues their homework.

Friday, October 14, 2011


2nd Grade Classroom

Class is discussing celebrations that happen in the world.

2nd grader: "People celebrate different ways, except in Texas, they don't."

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

.good nights sleep.

Leaving A Classroom

I go to give a student a high-five as I am leaving.

6th grader: (In a nasally spokesperson voice) "Ask me about my TemperPedic Bed."

.sent to myself.

Computer Lab

7th grader: (in sarcastic voice) "I got an email from myself, how exciting!!"

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

.on the walls.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

.summer plans.

Passing two high school students in the hall.

H.S. student: "I actually spent way more time in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond than I thought."

Friday, September 30, 2011


Soccer Field during Lunch

A student is running around making a screeching tire sound that turns into a crow 'caw'.

Me: "What is that sound from?"

6th grader: "It is an animal that my friend and I made up. It is a Seagawk. A combination of a Seagull and a Hawk. A Seagawk."

Student proceeds to run and puts arms out while he flies around the soccer field during lunch.

.Arnold Palmer.

Lunch Room

Me: "How is that Arnold Palmer?"

6th grader: "Pretty good. I do like making my own though, I put more lemonade than ice tea."

Me: "Oh, nice choice!"

(student takes a big sip of Arnold Palmer)

Me: "What drink would you want named after you?"

6th grader: "Well, I already made one at camp. It is a combination of lemonade, lime juice, and orange juice."

Me: "That sounds really good."

6th grader: "Yeah, I put more orange juice in it than anything, BUT it is great tasting!"

.rhymes with.

Lunch Room

Me: "You don't like Kale?"

6th grader: "No, I tried it and I realized that I don't like it."

Me: "Any particular reason?"

6th grader: "One of the big ones is that it sounds like whale."

.please stay.


6th grader to me: "You are hilarious. You should stay here all the time."

Monday, September 26, 2011

.8th grade.

In Hallway

Me: "How is 8th grade treating you?"

8th grader: "Okay, I guess. It is a lot of work, but it is good to be be busy."

Me: "Are you on break now?"

8th grader: "Break?! We don't get breaks! 8th grade: No Breaks, Just Homework."

I give a high five and send the student on their way.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

.serious and funny.

Spanish Class

Students have names of people written on a piece of paper. They are going to greet each other in Spanish and introduce themselves to one another as the name of the person on their piece of paper.

6th graders (just given a piece of paper): "Mine is serious and funny."

Me: "Oh, yeah? What do you mean?"

6th grader: "Well, adults like it and kids think it is sounds funny."

Me: "Is it latte?!"

6th: (laughing) "No, you'll see."

Turns out it was Sammy Sosa.

Monday, September 12, 2011

*guest submission

A fellow educator sent this to me. 6th grade teacher

Confiscated Note -

Why don't you like me? What did I do to you? I'm sorry for whatever I did? Why am I such a bad person?

(This is less than a month into school)

.zero everything.

Lunch Room

Me: "The new drinks they have in the lunch room are pretty fancy. What is that cucumber and lime?"

6th grader: "Yeah, it tastes great and look at this (points at the back label) all zeroes."

Me: "You see that more and more with drinks, all zeroes, and it still tastes good."

6th grader: "Yeah, probably all that acid."

.the difference.


2nd grader to me: "My Dad is as tall as you."

Me: "Oh, wow. He is pretty tall."

2nd grader: "And real fat!"

Friday, September 9, 2011

.true greens.

Lunch Room

4th grader: "There is Kale in the lunchroom!!"

Thursday, June 9, 2011

.have a good summer.

Some students asked if they could sign my yearbook. I said yes. This is what I got back.

.new product.

Middle School Computer Lab

students are talking about the new Apple operating system coming out.

Me: "Did you hear about the new operating OSX Squirrel? It is suppose to be really fast and have GREAT storage."


(I walk out of the room with both hands raised and index fingers up)


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

.water DJ.

school courtyard

6th grader is gargling water, humming some song.

Me: "Do you take requests?"

6th grader nods his head yes

Me: "How about Living On A Prayer by Bon Jovi?"

6th grader starts gargling the chorus on perfect pitch.

Me: "Oh yeah! How about More Than A Feeling by Boston?"

6th grader starts gargling the chorus on perfect pitch.

Me: "Oh yeah! Okay, how about Firework by Katy Perry?"

6th grader: (spits water out) "Nope."

Thursday, June 2, 2011

.on your mark get set.

Lunch Table

6th grader to me: "What is your mile time?"

Me: "18 minutes."

6th grader: "WHAT?!"

Me: "Running or walking?"

6th grader: "Running."

Me: "17 minutes."

6th grader: (in a shrill) "WWHHHAAAAAAATTTTTT?!"

.sound check.

Middle School Computer Lab

7th grader to me: "Are you in a band?"

Me: "No, do I look like I'm in a band?"

7th grader: "No. Well, kind of."

Me: "Thanks"

7th grader: "Well, no, I take it back."

Thursday, May 26, 2011

.Inside a Spanish Textbook.

We collected Spanish Textbooks today. This is what we found inside one.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

.sight for sore eyes.

Wiffle Ball Field

A teacher bends down to pick up a wiffle ball in the midst of a group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders.

5th grader: "Oh, Come on!"

Teacher: "Did you see something?"

5th grader: "Your crack, dude! Oh, come on!"

Teacher: "Sorry about that."


Friday, May 13, 2011

.forest love.

Middle School Computer Lab

6th graders working on a script for an upcoming play for history.

6th grader: (typing) "I don't know how to say this"

Me: "What are you trying to say?"

6th grader: "These two people were banished to the woods for fourteen years. They came from royal blood. They hated it. They were in love in the woods."

Me: "They didn't have much, but they had each other."

6th grader: "Oh, yeah! THAT IS GOOD!"

Thursday, May 5, 2011

.animal fights.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Mr. K, who would win in a fight? A boa constrictor or an eagle?"

Me: "Oh, easy! An eagle."

6th grader: "What?! No! Come on, do you watch animal planet at all?!"

Me: "An eagle can swoop in and out and attack the boa constrictor."


.proof you are not a clone.

Lunch Table

Me: "Here is the question guys, if you were cloned and your clone is an evil clone and you were to prove to a loved one that you were not your clone, but in fact your real self and not the evil clone. How would prove yourself to the loved one?"

6th grader 1: "Well, Mr. K, you know if you cloned yourself you would have a baby version of you."

Me: "I see what you're saying. Let us say that we have the science to carbon copy yourself and your evil clone is the same age as you."

6th grader 2: "I would hug them!"

6th grader 3: "I would make a Michael Jackson I.D. card and put it in my pocket before I made the evil clone and show it them."

6th grader 4: "I would put a 'made in the USA' sticker on their stomach."

Me: "I kind of wish this evil clone thing actually happens."

ALL: YEAH!!!!!

.paint it chewy.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "In this Star Wars video game I can create different names for my characters."

Me: "Oh, cool. What are some of the names?"

6th grader: "Windoo is 'weird forehead', because he has a weird forehead. Yoda is 'turd', because he looks like a poop."

Me: "Okay."

6th grader: "And Chewbacca is 'Hairy Mick Jagger'."

(I laugh so hard that the table of 4th graders look over)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

.just in case.

Middle School Computer Lab

7th grade student walks in with a blanket tied around his waist to resemble a giant diaper.

7th grader: "Check out my man diaper."

Me: "Very nice."

7th grader: (giggling)"Just in case I make a Boom-Boom"

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

.password please.

Middle School Computer Lab

a teacher is putting in his password to log into his computer.

6th grader: "what if your password is 'ihavenogirlfriendshateme'"

.a simple request.

Lunch Room

making an announcement to a group of 6th grade girls

Me: "Hey ladies, just to let you know, it is raining outside so we are staying inside for the entire lunch hour."

6th graders (all): "AAAhhhhhh, come on!"

6th grader: "Mr. K, can we sacrifice you to Mother Nature."

Me: "No."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

.mountains everywhere.

Working one on one with a student on Buddhism worksheets

(reading an section in the book about Buddha)

6th grader: "It says here Buddha supposedly lived in southern Nipple."

Me: "Nepal"

6th grader: "Oh, Nepal."

.hot snack.

Middle School Computer Lab

Teacher to a student: "You can't have those cheetos in here, you'll have to eat them outside."

6th grader: "Yeah, especial because they are 'flaming hot'. They could melt the computers."

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

.would you rather.

Lunch Table

6th grader 1: "Would you rather die a fiery death or a nice happy death?"

6th grader 2: "I don't know, probably a nice happy death."

6th grader 1: "But, you are a pyro maniac."

Me: "This changes everything."

(both students look at each other and laugh)


walking past a Kindergarten class

Teacher: "I didn't know you had two older sisters."

Kindergartener: "Yeah, they are dogs."

Teacher: "I see."

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Middle School Hallway

Me: "Have you seen my iPod?"

6th grader: "No.... This one time my sister was looking for my iPod and she looked in my pants and I was like 'what are you doing?!"

Me: "Talk about invasion of privacy."

6th grader: "Yeah, I know, right?!"

.step by step.

6th grade lunch table

6th grader: "I wore my pedometer to bed last night and I took 65 steps in my sleep."

Me: (interested) "Really?!"

6th grader: "I guess I move in my sleep."

Me: "I'll say."

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

.i see you.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "My personal trainer has a black belt in everything. Judo, Karate, Stick Fighting, Ninja, lots of stuff."

Me: "Wow."

6th grader: "He looks a lot different from his picture he has wrinkles in his picture, but in person he has real smooth skin. He has a small head and a big neck."

Me: "Wow."

6th grader: "He looks like someone who would watch you from a tall building."

Me: "Like a super hero?"

6th grader: "No, like a 'I see you down there and I'm gonna get you' person."

Me: (smiling)

6th grader: "He showed me this Youtube video of him flipping over these blue foam bricks. He landed on his hands!!"

Monday, March 28, 2011

.height requirement.

2nd grader: (to me) "You are too tall to be a teacher."

Me: "Who says?!"

2nd grader: "Everyone, silly."

.true friend.

walking back from wiffle ball

5th grader 1: "You invited him to your party?!"
5th grader 2: "Yeah, why?"
5th grader 1: "He is weird."
5th grader 2: "That is why I like him!"

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

.it is just a lake.

Middle School Computer Lab

6th grader: (asking a teacher while pointing at computer screen) "What does this say?"

Teacher: "Come on, you know what that says."

6th grader: "No, I really don't know what it says."

Teacher: "Lake Titicaca."

6th grader: (lets out a nerdy squeal)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Middle School Computer Lab

7th grader to teacher: (arms open wide for a hug) "Hug Dad, I mean Hudetz, my unofficial Dad."

Teacher: "Did you just call me Dad?!"

7th grader: "Unofficial Dad!"

Friday, March 11, 2011

.you weren't alive.

8th grade hallway

a group of 8th graders are crowded around a mini keyboard on the floor.

8th grader 1: "Do you know the Harry Potter Theme?"

8th grader 2: "No, but I know this." (starts playing Beverly Hills Cop Theme)

8th grader 1: "I don't know that one."

8th grader 2: "What about this one?" (starts playing The Final Countdown)

All 8th graders: "YEAH!"

.think twice.

After community service, I accompanied a group of Middle School students to The Wiener Circle.

7th grader takes a bite of a hot dog. The piece of hot dog falls on the floor and is immediately picked up and eaten.

7th grader: (while chewing) "Is this safe to eat?

other 7th grader: "On this floor?! No, way."

7th grader: (looking at me) "What about you Mr. K?"

Me: "Whatever I answer I give you, it is too late."

Thursday, March 10, 2011

.according to my calculations.

6th Grade Math Class

I had to borrow a calculator from a teacher. There are no students in the classroom.

Me: (holding calculator) "May I borrow this, I have a student taking a quiz and he needs it. I'll have it back to you in a few minutes."

Teacher: "Oh, not that one! A student came up to me and said that there were boogers in it. I am still trying to figure out who did it."

Me: "Oh, boy."

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

.winter weight.

6th grade lockers

6th grader 1 to me: "Mr. K, have you noticed how pudgy Dora the Explorer is getting?"

Me: "I think you may be right."

6th grader 2: "Yeah! It is probably because of all the fiestas she is going to."

6th grader 1: "Her cholesterol must be in the 500's."

Thursday, March 3, 2011


Homework Club

everyone is leaving for the day.

7th grader: "Later hot potatoe."

Me: "See ya later."

7th grader: "No! Its 'bye cold apple pile'."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

.fancy name.

Kindergarten class
I am playing guitar and asking students what their names

Me: "What is your name?"

Kindergartner: "Sophia" (while running away) "IT IS A FANCY NAME!"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

.name that hit.

Teacher: "Are you humming Katy Perry?!"

6th grader: (frustrated) "No!..... Nirvana."

Me: "What song?"

6th grader: "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

.death of a legend.

on a school bus

Teacher: "Please, sit forward so you don't die."

8th grader: "That isn't how Jimi Hendrix died!"

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

.only in dreams.

Lunch Table

This all happened within a 45 second span of time.

6th grader 1: "I had a dream that I was fighting an army. An army from a long time ago and I was in a car that had a machine gun on the side."

6th grader 2: "I had a dream that Justin Bieber was naked and trying to break down my front door."

6th grader 3: "I had a dream that I was a space ship captain and I was locked out of the space ship. No one inside would let me in. I was on the outside saying, "LET ME IN, I'M THE SPACE CAPTAIN OF SPACE!"

6th grader 1: "Mr. K, would you rather get shot in the hair or punched in the hair?"

Me: "Punched."

Monday, February 21, 2011

.steam boat willy.

Middle School Computer Lab

6th graders are working on their personal websites.

6th grader to lab teacher: "I promise I won't go overboard with the animations."

Me: "Yeah, that is what Walt Disney said, now look at him...."

Friday, February 11, 2011

.young people today.

6th grader reading valentines made by 2nd graders that were posted on the hallway wall

6th grader: "These kids can spell 'we', but not 'favorite'! (disgusted) technology has ruined youth today."

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

.last meal.

Lunch Table

6th grader: (to entire table) "There is a law, well, some weird law that says that the jail has to be able to give you whatever you want for your last meal if you are given the death penalty. On your last night of living you are suppose to eat whatever you want, and if they can't get the food you want, you don't have to die. This one time a guy asked for unicorn eggs and pixie dust. He didn't have to die. This is true, I swear to you I saw it somewhere."

.bribery please.

Lunch Table

6th grader: (to the entire table) "Guys, if you were sued for murder would you bribe the judge to let you free?"

Monday, February 7, 2011

.would you rather.

lunch table

6th grader: "Would you rather: Would you rather have a little ball that weighs two pounds to you, but 12 tons to everyone else? OR Be able to teleport three feet in any direction?"

Thursday, January 27, 2011

.out of order.

Lunch Table

6th grader: (banging spoon on top of yogurt container) "Order in the court, order! Court is now in session. Number one, why is the locker room so hot?! Number two, can I have a screwdriver to break into a locker?"

Me: "This court needs a bailiff to take you out of here, Judge."

6th grader: (Dracula laugh)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

.high school is going to be awesome.

In the Hallway

8th grader 1 to High Schooler: "Are you wearing a dress?!"

High Schooler: "NO, it is a bath robe."

8th grader 1: "Oh, cool."

8th grader 2 to 8th grader 1 (whispering): "I can't wait 'til High School."

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

.live show.

Middle School Hallway

Girls listening to some girl pop song on a laptop.

Girl 1: "Oh my gosh, I was at her concert once and you know how she has that song about girls are beautiful even though they are fat?! She looked right at me and I freaked out!"

Friday, January 7, 2011

.heavy night.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Have you ever been to Jake's?"

Me: "No, what is that?"

6th grader: "It is this place that sells fatty foods, like burgers and wings."

Me: "Sounds like my kind of place!"

6th grader: "My friend ate there once. He weighed 80 pounds when he ate there. The next day he weighed 95 pounds."

Me: "He gained 15 pounds over night?!"

6th grader: "He had a burger, wings and a half of thing of nachos, but the nachos had like 20 pounds of cheese on it."

Me: "Sounds like my kind of place!"

Thursday, January 6, 2011

.capture that.

Middle School Computer Lab

8th Graders are working on projects where they are taking pictures of the school and creating slide shows.

8th grader approaching Middle School Computer Lab teacher: (laughing at himself) "May I have a Muggle Image Capturer?!"

Me to the teacher: "Is that a thing?"

Teacher: "No."

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

.false information.

6th grade home room

6th grader: "I read a newspaper cover that said that they guy they thought killed JFK was really not the guy, but someone else. But I was in a 7-11, so it may not be true."

.talk to me.

Middle School Computer Lab

8th grade science class working on a project in the lab.

8th grade teacher: "I feel terrible. I am on the mend, but these antibiotics are making me feel it more."

8th grader (excited): "Are you sick?!"

8th grade teacher: "Yes."

8th grader: "Can you talk to me?"

8th grade teacher: "What?"

8th grader: "I LOVE how sick people sound. Please talk to me, please!"

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

.here without you.

Middle School Computer Lab

A 7th grader plays a top 40 song from the 2000's.

Me: "Nice, 3 Doors Down!"

7th grader (in disbelief that I don't know): "Five For Fighting!"

Me (looking down in shame): "Right."

.south of the border.

Middle School Computer Gaming Club

While playing Warcraft on PC's (6 computers. 3 on 3)

6th grader: "Guys, we went to a weird place in Cancun. It is called Senior Frogs, they make all the kids do the Chicken Dance."

Monday, January 3, 2011

.shhh it is sleeping...

Middle School Hallway

Two 8th grade boys are pretending to be dogs. While running on all fours, the boys abruptly fall to the ground and pretend to sleep.

8th grade girl watching (laughing) turns to a teacher: "They are pretending to be Narsolectic dogs. You know what Narsolectic means, right?!"