Wednesday, March 21, 2012

.eat your greens.

Lunch Room

I walk up the woman at the cash register with my lunch

Lady: (with Russian accent) "Ok, what do we have today?"

Me: "Just a big salad."

Lady: "A big salad. Just like you!"

Me: "Just like me, but with less olives."

Lady: (stares at me while she puts a napkin on my tray)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

.running on empty.


A student is running towards me at full speed.

Me: "Walk in the hallway, please."

Student: "I'm going to get my pills!!!"

Me: "Okay."

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

.safety first.

(guest entry)

4th grader: (running in the hallway, whispers matter-of-factly) "I have scissors."

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

.second baby scare.


After hearing the first student ask me about my baby, another student asks me the same.

1st grader to me: "How is your baby?"

Me: "All of them are fine. How are your babies?"

1st grader: (laughing) "Fine."

Monday, March 5, 2012

.baby scare.


A first grader runs up to me with a big grin on their face.

1st grader to me: "How is your baby?!"

Me: "Oh, I don't have a baby."

(they slap both hands against temples)

1st grader: "Oh, man! I thought you had a baby!"

Me: "That is okay. Do I look like I have a baby?"

1st grader: "Haha. Yeah. Hey! Do you know my sister?!"

(they run off immediately after asking the question)

Friday, March 2, 2012

.travel in time.


Me: "Here is our Friday question. If you could travel in the future to any time in your life to see what would happen or just to be there for the moment, where would you go?"

6th grader 1: "I wouldn't go, because I want to have my life be a surprise."

6th grader 2: "I would want to go to my death so I could find out how I die and cheat death. I would want to cheat death like Final Destination. I would cheat death and then die an even more horrible death."

6th grade 3: "Well, as you all know, when I grow up I want to be a Chinese game show host. So, I would go to my first game show I ever host. I want to see how intense I will be."