.new game.

Middle School Computer Lab

7th grader to me: "You wanna play a new game?"

Me: "Sure, what is it called?"

7th grader: "We Have No Bones And We Can't Stop Screaming"

Me: "How do you play?"

7th grader: "We lay on the ground and scream, because we have no bones."

Me: "Nope."

.hit the town.

Middle School Computer Lab

8th grader to a teacher: "Do you go clubbing? You should go clubbing more."

.mental powers.

Middle School Computer Lab

8th Grader rolling dice on my desk

8th Grader: "Whoa! I said I need to roll a six in my head and I just rolled it. Then you shaved your beard."

.would you rather.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Mr. Kimball, a would you rather."

Me: "Okay, hit me."

6th grader: "Okay, would you rather be woken up by a 15 second fog horn blast 10 feet away from your head OR get woken up by a 15 second Arctic wind blast?"

Me: "That is really tough. I'm going to say Arctic wind blast."

6th grader (looking off into the distance): "Yeah, that will definitely wake you up!"

.everyone quit.

Middle School Computer Game Club

6th grader 1: "We were dropped, we have to start the game over. Everyone quit."

6th grader 2: "What?! Come on! Everyone quit."

6th grader 3: "Everyone quit."

6th grader 4: "Everyone quit."

6th grader 5: "Everyone poop."

Me: "What?!"

6th grader 3: "That is his thing."

Lunch Table

6th grader 1: "Are you going to grow your beard out?"

Me: "I'm not sure. If I cut it I lose all my powers."

6th grader 2: "Yeah, the power is in his hair."

6th grader 1: "When you can grow a mustache you turn into a man and you gain your powers."

Me: "Yes and Yes."

.big cats don't play.

Middle School Computer Lab

7th grader running into the Lab breathing heavy.

7th grader (yelling): "Youtube, Big Cat Diaries....NOW!"

.play on.

Outside after lunch.
there is snow on the ground and it is 18 degrees outside.

Me to a fellow teacher assistant: "Man, those guys are the ultimate players. By that I mean they love to play."

Teacher Assistant: (laughter)

Me: "I should have said that a different way."

.the power.

8:10am
6th Grade Hallway

student is passing me holding his cross necklace.

6th grader to me (while holding his cross up to his face)(yell-whispering): "Jesus Power".

.eating time.

Middle School Computer Lab

Teacher: "Why aren't you eating lunch? I'm concerned about how fast and how much you are eating?"

7th grader: "I already ate. I had a cupcake."

Teacher: "That is what I am talking about. That is not enough."

7th grader: "It was a really big cupcake!!"

.game time.

Outside after Lunch

2nd grader 1: "Let's play another type of hiding game."

2nd grader 2: "Okay, but if it doesn't go well than this will be the last game I play."

.thar she blows!.

Middle School Computer Lab

Me: "You know the feeling you get the day before you get sick. I am feeling that. Super achy, like a pirate at sea."

8th grader (looking at his computer screen): "I know exactly what you mean."

.earth layers.

Lunch Table full of 6th graders eating outside on a chilly November day

6th grader: "How many coats would it take to recreate the earth's core?"

Me: "Probably about four million."

6th grader: "Whoa!"

Me: "Yeah, but imagine how big that last coat would have to be!"

Everyone giggles while putting some sort of pudding product in their mouth.

.layer up dude.

Lunch Table

6th grader to me: "Can I borrow one of your coats?"

Me: "What?"

6th grader: "Can I borrow one of your six coats?"

Me: "I have four layers on, dude."

6th grader: "Can I borrow one?! You got enough!"

.reach for that food.

Lunch
12:35 pm

6th grader (to me): "Do you have dentures."

Me: "I do not. Do you?"

6th grader: "No, but I wish I did. It would be cool to take my teeth out!"

Me: "Why is that?"

6th grader: "So I can eat food that is far away."

.job title.

Lunch
12:35 pm

Me: "What do your parents do?"

6th grader: "Well, my Dad is a banker and my Mom is a robber."

Me: "How does that work?"

6th grader: "It does."

.grow on.

Study Hall

2:40 pm

6th grader: "Mr. K, can you grow your beard out long?"

Me: "I am growing it out this month, actually."

6th grader: "No, like Z.Z. Top, and gel it into your hair!"

.bucket list.

Lunch Room

12:50 pm

Freshman: "You know what I think is on every guy's bucket list?"

Me: "What?"

Freshman: "These three things."

Me: "Okay."

Freshman: "1. Blackmail a rich person. 2. Plan a heist 3. Go to the moon."

Me: "I am adding all three of those to mine today."

.dream cake.

Middle School Computer Lab before class starts

Me: "What is your dream birthday cake?"

7th grader: "Six-feet tall, chocolate frosting, and it is a real bike."

.the wind up and the delivery.

Middle School Computer Lab before class starts

Me: "Quick, name three types of pitches!"

7th grader: "A curveball, a fastball, and a strike."

Me: "Yup!"

.email the big man.

Middle School Computer Lab

Me: "Guys, there is a website that lets you email Santa."

7th grader: "I'm going to email him and tell him I'm Jewish. What is the address?"

.so young for your height.

In the library researching Ancient China.

6th grader to me: "How tall are you?"

Me: "Six foot seven or so..."

6th grader: "And you're only 26!!"

other 6th grader: "Are you still growing?"

Me: "I hope not.."

6th grader: "I hope so, that would be awesome if you were eight feet tall and you were like (monster voice) 'I am going to destroy you!' "

.look alike.

In library doing research on Ancient China

6th grader to me: "Have I ever told you that you look like George Clooney?"

Me: "No, you haven't."

6th grader: "Well, you don't, but you aren't mean like him."

.over the counter.

Middle School Computer Lab

Friday before Halloween

8th grader: "I would have gone as Rush Limbaugh, but my Dad didn't want me bringing Vicodin to school."

.you know what I mean.

6th grade advisory before school

8:25 am

A group of students are playing the card game, Apples to Apples. Apparently, the cards were not shuffled well enough because Cindy Crawford showed up in the next round.

6th grader: "Cindy Crawford?! I just did her!"

6th grade class bursts out in laughter.

6th grader (looking at me): "C'mon, you know what I mean!"

More laughter.....

6th grader: "This is a sick world."

.start the fire.

lunch time

6th grader is halfway done with eating a bag of flaming hot cheetos.

6th grader: "My mouth is on fire! I need something cool to make it stop."

he runs inside and returns with a chocolate pudding cup.

6ht grader: "Aw, this is the best! My mouth still hurts, but the chocolate makes me forget it for a second."

.you ring the doorbell.

heard from Mr. Hudetz in the hallway.

8th grader 1: "Are you going trick or treating?"

8th grader 2: "No man, I'm Jewish."

.opposite of small.

I visited a Kindergarten class to say hello to the teacher and the class. This was what was said within the first 30 seconds.

Teacher: "Class, I would like to introduce you to our new friend."

Kindergartener 1: "Whoa, you're big!"

Kindergartener 2: "Can you touch the ceiling?"

Kindergartener 3: "Yeah, touch the ceiling!"

Kindergartener 1: "My uncle is so big, that he can't even fit in our basement."

Kindergartener 2: "Touch the ceiling!"

Me: "Thank you. I know, I'm really big.

Teacher: "Mr. Kimball helped us put up things on the wall that we couldn't reach."

Kindergartener 2: "Can you touch the ceiling?"

.pay up.

6th grade lunch room

12: 22 pm

Me: "Did you see the giraffe at the zoo?!"

6th grader 1: "Yeah, but I hate zoos, they hurt animals."

Me: "Yeah, but it gives people a chance to see animals that they would never have the opportunity to see in person."

6th grader 1: "I still don't like them."

Me: "What should we do then?"

6th grader 2: "Pay a rock to be a giraffe."

.across the pond.

6th grade lunch

6th grader 1: "I can't wait for snow!"

Me: "You didn't have snow in England?"

6th grader 1: "No, not a lot of snow."

6th grader 2: (in Australian accent) "England, mate!"

6th grader 1: "You are horrible at that."

.say i do.

Middle School Computer Lab

They are doing research on famous people with Latin American heritage.

7th grader 1: "My guy has been married six times! And he is only 64!"

7th grader 2: "I've never been married. Well, I was married once, we have this thing at camp where you can marry anyone you want. I always marry a counselor."

Me: "Hey now!!"

7th grader 2: "IT WAS CAMP."

.give me your money.

6th grade lunch table

6th grader: "What is a ponzi scheme?"

Me: "That is a story in itself."

6th grader: "My friend and I had a ponzi scheme at a block party once. We sold fake signed baseball cards. We made like $150."

Me: "Did you sign the cards?"

6th grader: "We both did."

Me: "What if you got caught?"

6th grader: "We'd just buy more, duh!"

.control + v.

Middle School computer lab

Teacher: "You may not copy and paste anything onto your document from the internet. That defeats the purpose of you doing your own work."

8th grader: "What if you copy and paste a sentence."

Teacher: "I think I made myself clear."

other 8th grader: "Can you copy and paste information onto your document?"

(students grumble in disbelief)

Teacher: "I'm moving on."

.bad spy.

6th grade lunch table

6th grader: "There was this show in England that was only for two shows. It was horrible."

Me: "What made it bad?"

6th grader: "I don't know, but it had to be really bad, because they killed the spy in the second episode."

Me: "Really?! What was it called?"

6th grader: "I'm not sure. I think it was called, Spyopolous. It was really bad."

.political savant.

6ht grade lunch table

6th grader: "There is this website called 'Idiot Politicians'. It had only had three pictures on it. George W. Bush making a speech, John McCain, and one other one.......Oh, yeah! Sarah Palin. I thought it was hilarious, because I know a lot about politics."

.the worst locksmith.

6th grade Lunch Table

6th grader 1: "I was on this website called 'Idiot Sightings' and there was this story of a locksmith who was helping this lady that locked her keys in her car. After about 2 hours working on the car, he opened up the other side door. The lady asked, 'That door is open?!" The locksmith answered, "Yeah, I got this one open, I am just working on the other one now."

6th grader 2 (laughing): "I'm just working on the other one now."

6th grader 1 (laughing at his own joke): "I am just working on the other one now."

.the color.

Walking through the 1st grade hallway.

Teacher: "What color is this?"

1st grader class: "ORANGE!"

1st grader: "No, it is a clementine."

.google that thang.

Middle School Computer Lab

6th grader runs into the lab.

6th grader: "Mr. K, can you look up the song that goes 'da da da da da da da da da da'. No, that is 'Kids', how does it go? Oh yeah 'da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da'. Look it up, K!"

Me: "What are you talking about? I am confused."

6th grader: "You know how you can look up lyrics by putting in words? You can do the same with da's."

Me: "I don't believe that."

as I am typing in 'da's' Google instant starts pulling up the song we are looking for. It is Peter, Bjorn & John's - Young Folks.

6th grader: "THAT'S IT! I told you!!"

Me: "This is unreal."

.finger fencing.

Middle School Computer Lab

3:12pm

6th grader: "Mr. Kimball you want to finger fence?"

Me: "Sure"

6th grader: "Wouldn't it be crazy if we finger fenced and I put you in an arm bar?"

Me: "Yeah you would have to climb up me though and simultaneously drag me to the ground."

6th grader: "Like this!" (climbs up my leg and pulls me to the ground, but with no success)

Me: "Nope."

.international flavor.

6th grade hallway

3:10pm

Everyone is leaving for the day. Students are rushing off to sports practices and games. One student passes me in a rush.

6th grader: "Schnitzel, I'm going to be late!"

Me: "Excuse me?"

6th grader: "It's German food, Mr. Kimball."

.name game.

Middle School computer lab

9:35am

7th grade girl: "Mr. Kimball, are you sure your name isn't Kevin? Because you look just like Kevin."

Me: "Who is Kevin?"

7th grade girl: "He announced the talent show at camp."

Me: "I'll let you know when I change it."

7th grade girl: "You should."

.the best is yet to come.

Lunchroom

12:22 pm

This young man was walking back to the lunch table alone when he said this. It was directed at no one in particular.

5th grader passing me: (finger pointed in the air) "This is the best, being in fifth grade!!"

.city limits.

Lunchroom

a co-worker and myself are talking to each other when a third grader approaches us to say hi to us. We are both over 6'4''.

co-worker: "Hey, what's up?!"

3rd grader: (straining her neck) "I just entered Tall City."

.be gone.

2:20pm

Middle School Hallway

7th grader to me: "YOU ARE TOO TALL FOR THIS SCHOOL!"

Me: "What do you mean?!"

7th grader: "THIS SCHOOL IS FULL OF SHORT PEOPLE, THEN THERE IS YOU!"

back from summer vacation

Hey followers,

Just wanted to let you know that we have two days until the start of the 2010-2011 school year. Looking forward to anonymously documenting this group of amazing students here at the school I work at.

Just to remind everyone, these are real students and real quotes.

begin!

.plot is key.

English Classroom

2:15p

watching the movie, 'Help!'

6th grader 1: "This movie is so weird"

6th grader 2: "So you know what the movie is about!"

love memory

8th grade hallway

1:35 pm

8th grader 1: "We are married! We are married!"

8th grader 2: "What?! No we aren't!"

8th grader 1: "Yes we are, remember? I found the ring!!"

.get over here.

8th grade hallway

1:15 pm

8th grader: "Do you need a hug?!"

Me: "Yeah, thank you."

8th grader: (in high voice) "I am good with these things!!"

.read the label.

8:35 am

eating bagels outside of school

6th grader 1: "It is like when you read the back of a soy milk container and it says '300 calories'. You're like WHAT?!"

6th grader 2: "Oh Yeah! I want to read a label one day and I want it to just say, 'rat milk'."

.hideous.

Lunch Room

8:35 am

Me: "Did you get a hair cut?"

6th grader 1: "No"

Me: "Hmm, your hair looks shorter.."

6th grader 2: "You were bearable to look at in third grade."

Me: "So what are you saying now?"

6th grader 2: "I just stated the obvious."

.CSI: Murder Photo.

Homeroom

8:25 am

The teacher is showing pictures of her childhood. One of the pictures is a baby rabbit sitting next to a doll in doll house.

6th grader: "That looks like a murder photo!"

Me: "What kind of movies are you watching?!"

6th grader: (laughs) "I don't know, but these look like murder photos!!"

.nickname.

Lunch Table

talking about a boy who is good at basketball

6th grader 1: "What nickname would you give him?"

6th grader 2: " 'He's Out Of My League', because every time I play him, he goes right past me."

.passport please.

Eating lunch outside

12:35 pm

6th grader 1: "Where is the weirdest place you've been?"

6th grader 2: "Vermont."

Me: "Why is that?"

6th grader 2: "Well, number one, I didn't know it existed. And number two, I thought it was in Canada."

.becoming self aware.

Study Hall

2:45 pm

It is completely silent in the classroom. A student has an electronic dictionary that allows a person to type in words or phrases and it repeats what you type in a robot voice.

Out of nowhere, I hear in a robot voice, "TEACH ME TO LOVE."

.a good man.

Study Hall

Me: "Please respect the people around you by being quiet."

6th grader: "A quiet people are good people."

Me: "Amen."

class giggles

.exploring structures.

Me: "That bag is as big as you!"

6th grader: "Yeah, I know! Well, I think I have rope and stuff in my bag for climbing up statues."

.bucket list.

6th grader 1: "What would be the first thing on your bucket list?"

6th grader 2: "What is a bucket list?"

6th grader 1: "It is a list of things that you would do the last day on earth."

6th grader 2: "Hack NASA!"

.mind games.

Me: "Go and see if they got out of class, and come back to tell us what you saw."

6th grader leaves and comes back two minutes later

6th grader: "I didn't see them, but I have a pretty wild imagination."

Me: "So you may have seen them."

6th: "No, I didn't see a thing."

.the right name.

Hallway

6th grader: "If your name is Flavor Flav, you should not be making music."

.the set up.

Lunch Table

Me: "Wow, that hot dog looks like it is busting out of that bun!"

6th grader whispers to his friend, they both start laughing.

Me: "What did you say?"

6th grader that whispered: "Nothing."

Me: "Ok, so it probably wasn't school appropriate?"

other 6th grader: "Well, Mr. Kimball, you kind of set yourself up for that one."

.tear jerker.

Home Room

8:15 am

6th grader 1: "I am going to have a party at my house this week."

6th grader 2: "Will there be a bowl of Warheads?"

6th grader 1: "I once put two in my mouth and started to cry, it was amazing!"

6th grader 3: "I put four in my mouth once."

6th grader 1: "Did you die?!........ I can't believe you didn't die!!"

repeat offender

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Yeah, my friend, Trevor is hilarious! He is in first grade for the second time! He's taking it again!"

.guatemalans.

Stretching on the sidewalk outside of school before a benefit 5k run/walk.

10:15 am

6th grader 1: "I heard some Guatemalans don't stretch."

6th grader 2: "My Dad knew this Guatemalan that got shot."

angry mother's day

Hallway

8:12 am

6th grader: "I got my Mom a water bottle for Mother's Day, she was pissed that it wasn't filled when I gave it to her."

bathroom

Bathroom

1:50 pm

8th grader enters bathroom, then starts laughing.

Me: "What is so funny?"

8th grader: "I think it is funny when I see people I know in the bathroom. I don't know it is just funny."

Me: "Okay."

perfect saturday

Homeroom

8:15 am

Teacher: "What would be your perfect Saturday?"

6th grader: "I would wake up late, eat breakfast, invite a friend over and spray each other with hoses."

search engine

Lunch Room

6th grader: "I googled, 'Find Osama Bin Laden'. It came back saying that this search has not been found in 10 years."

Me: "Really?"

6th grader: "No"

Me: "Thank You."

extra mayo, please

8:15 am

6th grade Homeroom

6th grader: "I don't like mayonnaise on anything."

other 6th grader: "What?! Mayonnaise is the sugar of condiments!"

hand check

Spanish Class

6th grader: (grabbing teacher's hand) "I have a question......OH! your dry hands scared me."

Teacher: (turns to me) "That is going in the blog, right?!"

a nail biter

Me: "Hey, did you see the Blackhawks game last night?"

6th grader : (shakes head in disbelief) "Oh, Yeah! I was so nervous, I bit off all my fingers..."

big shoes make me sick!

8:09 am

Middle School Hallway

6th grader: "Mr. K, what shoe size do you wear?"

Me: "15"

6th grader: "That is disgusting!!"

proposal

Hallway

6th grader 1: "What are we doing in Science today?"

6th grader 2: "We are writing our environmental proposals."

6th grader 1: "Oh man, I don't want to get married to the environment. I am only 12!"

for the price of a coffee.....

Off Campus at 7-11

8th grader: "For the same price as a coffee and pastry; I can get a gallon of Arnold Palmer Lite, a tube of Pringles, and thirty-nine cent gummy bears."

half and half

8:55 am

8th grade hallway

Me: "Is that a gallon of Arnold Palmer?!"

8th grader: "Yeah, Yeah. Half and Half Lite, it is great!! I'm gonna finish the whole thing in 10 minutes." (big smile)

Teacher: "He is going to throw up in an hour."

bug spray

8:15 am

6th grade hallway

(between three 6th graders)

6th grader 1: "You smell like bug spray"

6th grader 2: "You are the second person that has told me that!"

6th grader 3: "I don't wear bug spray, I just wear thick socks."

6th grader 1: (singing in the tune of Black Sabbath's song Iron Man) "I am bug spray man, giving people Cancer in my van."

Me: "Don't go in his van, guys."

(blank stares)

burrito please, hold the tortilla

Playground after Lunch

6th grader: "I like burrito bowls at Chipotle."

other 6th grader: "Getting a burrito bowl at Chipotle is like playing hockey without a stick!"

bad taste

Lunch Table

6th grader: "This one time, I had a chicken nugget that tasted so bad that it made me suck the table."

Me: "What does that mean?"

6th grader: "It tasted so bad, that I literally put my mouth on the table."

growing up

8:10 am

6th grade hallway

6th grader: "Don't shave your mustache."

other 6th grader: "Really, Thank You!! You are the only person that wants me to keep it!"

canceled meeting

8:05 am

6th grader: "My Mom was suppose to meet with the Prime Minister of Singapore, but she canceled."

shop class

Hallway

6th grader: "I told my sister I was in shop class and she asked me, 'what did you buy today?'"

school appropriate

High School hallway

9th grader: "SSShhhhh... (looks and sees me walking towards him and changes his decision to swear) hhhhhhaaammmmwwooowww. Ah, Shamwow!"

italian vacation

Lunchroom

6th grader 1: "We are going to Italy this summer!!"

6th grader 2: "See Venice before it sinks."

prom date

Upper School Hallway

girl: "You can't wear a green and gold tuxedo to Prom!"

guy: "Watch me!"

girl: "She won't want to go with you."

guy: "She will be lucky to go with me!!"

peeps

Lunchroom

6th grader just finished eating an entire six-pack of Peeps, which he put into the microwave for 40 seconds.

Me: "Did you bring those from home?"

6th grader: "Yeah"

(turns to entire class)

"Who wants a giant Peep?!"

40 students descend on the student

6th grader: "Wait, I was kidding!! Mr. K!!"

new phone

hallway 8:10 am

Me: "Is that a new phone?"

6th grader: "Yeah, it is real cool, look! It flips open and it flips up so you can text faster!!"

Me: "That is rad!"

6th grader: "Oh, Yeah! There are a few levels of the phone, so it can move like that. I don't know the terms, but it is testicle."

Me: "Yeah, that sounds technical."

(I walk away grinning)

WTF?!

hallway 10:45 am

6th grader: "WTF?!"

Me: "Easy with the language."

6th grader: "I'm asking, 'Where The Fries?!'"

Me: "Save it for the lunchroom."

shave....

Lunchroom

6th grader to me: "QUIT SHAVING, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF."

intruder...

1st Grade Hallway

a line of fifteen 1st graders pass by me.

1st grader: "Who are you?!" (five others) "Yeah, who are you?!!"

Me: "A teacher."

1st grader: "Here?!"

Me: "Yes."

(last 1st grader in line, tilting his head back at an extreme angle): "Whoa!!!!!"

lost

8:15 am

6th grader: "I woke up early and went downstairs to eat breakfast. My parents went into my room to wake me up and they couldn't find me. They yelled my name and I said, 'I'm down here eating breakfast alone.' They lost me in their own house!!"

sade love

Homeroom

6th grader: "Have you heard of Sade?"

Me: "Oh, yeah! I am a fan."

6th grader: "She is scary, she sings 'Soldier of Love' and sounds like a man!"

best seat in the house....

6th grader: "I was at the hockey game and we had horrible seats. We had to look DOWN at the Jumbotron!!"

spicy sauce...

Lunch Line

Lunch Man: "What kind of sauce do you want?"

3rd grader: "I'll have Barfeque."

(looks at his friend, they both giggle)

Me: "Oooohhh, that sounds spicy!"

3rd grader: "No, its barfy!!"

be prepared...

Middle School Computer Lab

(working on a project collecting statistics on countries of the World)

6th grader: "I think we are done with this part of the project."

Me: "Well, lets fill it in a little more information. It is better to have too much, than too little."

6th grader: (sincerely) "Yeah, like packing clothes for a vacation."

Me: (wide smirk): "Exactly, like packing clothes for a vacation."

6th grader: "Yeah, I hate buying clothes on vacation. But, it is fun shopping when you are back from vacation."

Sidney Crosby is nothing special

8:15 am - Homeroom

Me: "That game last night was exciting. Sidney Crosby is really talented, right?!"

6th grader: "He's not a good hockey player, the only thing he can do is dangle!"

Me: "What is a dangle?"

6th grader: (while moving shoulders up and down) "You know, deek......dangle"

honesty is their best policy

8:10 am - Homeroom

(I enter the room to drop some lunchroom surveys off)

6th grader: "You look better with a beard on your face."

Me: "really?!"

(6th grader just nods head)

post beard depression

8:05 am - Hallway

6th grader: "Mr. K, you shaved!

Me: "I did."

6th grader: "Your beard made me feel good about myself. Now my self-esteem is gone."

what would you do...

6th grader: "If I were principal for a day, I would make everyone give me $5 a piece."

Me: "That sounds unfair"

6th grader: "Yeah, but I would be rolling!"

Amelia Bedelia you are an Idiot

8:15a Friday before Valentine's Day

(eating candy in homeroom)

Me: "Do you remember Amelia Bedelia?"

6th grader: "Oh, my gosh. She is so stupid! They say, 'hit the road', she gets a stick and hits the road. They say, 'french toast' and she puts the France flag in toast. They say, 'hot dog' and she gets a dog that is hot. She is an IDIOT!"

Me: "Tell me about it."

relaxing lunch

Lunchroom

6th grader: "Mr. K, can you watch my cake. I don't want anyone eating it.....I want to eat my lunch leisurely."

Me: "Sure"

secret. secret.

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Hey, you want my cookies?"

Other 6th grader: "Sure, thanks!"

6th grader: (turns to me and whispers) "Mr. K, don't tell anyone, but I farted on those."

dessert tray

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Once we were at this restaurant in Austria.......I mean Indiana and they brought out this dessert tray that had legitimately 8 pounds of cheese on it. I ate so much. The next day, I had to go to the bathroom so bad, but I couldn't go. I was constipated. My Mom went got laxatives....I took five. That night as I was getting into our mini-van, I pooped myself (starts laughing). It was crazy!"

popularity contest

6th grader: "Their definition of popularity is a lot different than mine. If you are liked by one person, you are popular."

legitimate restaurant

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Mr. K, oh my gosh! We (hockey team) and I ate this restaurant in Indiana called..... I kid you not, it was legitimately called, 'The Corny Log' "

(starts laughing)

"And they couldn't understand why we were laughing at the name. Everything on the menu started with 'Corny' or ended with 'Log'. Like, 'The Corny Hoagie' "

Me: "Why is that funny, is it because it sounds very similar to a 'toasty torpedo?!' " (callback to previous post)

(6th grader tilts head back and starts laughing)

tuesday tacos

6th grader: "I asked my Grandpa to get me tuesday tacos at Chipotle. When he came back he said, 'there were no tuesday tacos at Chipotle, because it is Sunday.' I said, 'No. I said TWO STEAK TACOS.'"

this is not show time!

Lunch Room - 4th grade lunch

girl table starts singing 'Bad Romance' by Lady Gaga

4th grade girls: "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah, Roma-roma-mamaa"

4th grade teacher: (stands up from lunch table) "NO, WE ARE DONE. WE ARE LEAVING. LINE UP AGAINST THE WALL!"

4th grade boys table: "Boooooooo!"

this soda is gross

8:15 am 6th grade locker hallway

6th grader: "Mr. K, this is the grossest soda ever!" (shows me an empty two liter bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry)

Me: "Uggghhh, that is no good!"

other 6th grader passing by: (yelling) "Too Much Cherry!!"

end of the world

Lunch Table

6th grader: "Do you think that it is possible that a hobo can come to earth on a meteor and blow it up using a detonator?"

Me: "Yes."

6th grader: "Good."

6th grader: "Do you think that it is possible that vampire bunnies can destroy the earth by planting weather machines, or as we call them 'sprinklers', into the ground and detonate them to blow up the earth?"

Me: "Yes."

6th grader: (evil laugh) "Ha Ha. Good."

see me after class

This quote comes from Mr. Hudetz (computer lab)

Lunch Table

Mr. Hudetz: (jokingly) "You're in trouble, you have to stay after school today."

6th grader: "You better be careful, my brother has a broomstick!"

lost and found

6th grade hallway

6th grader: "If you see a leprechaun in the hall, can you return to me? Thank you."

it is going down...

Lunch Table

6th grader: "We were playing in this hockey tournament and the other team had this guy, (fully extends his arm towards the ceiling) this big, I mean a real big guy with long hair. He was acting like an idiot in the crease, slashing everyone. I told him to stop and he was like, 'oh, you think you're so cool.' I was like 'whatever'. And he said, 'oh, you think you're so cool'. And then I said, 'lose five pounds then we'll talk.'"

the question

Hallway

6th grader 1 : "Aren't you in love with him? I mean I mean really like like him? You don't have to answer that."

6th grader 2: "What?

6th grader 1: "Oh.... You Just Answered!" (snickering)

6th grader 2: "Shut your face!!" (walking away with a handful of books and two trapperkeepers"

hey, mr. dj.....

Lunch table

6th grader: "I DJ'd this block party for twelve hours and got paid three dollars. And they were like, 'uh....you suck'. And it wasn't even a party, they had chicken fingers and soda. I said, 'Is this even a party?!' and they said, 'yeah'. and I said, 'ok'.

birthday

Me: "Any birthday plans?"

6th grader: "No.....oh, wait. Beef Tenderloin and Cake!"

the doctor is in...

6th Grade Locker Hallway

6th grader 1: "I feel like a dermotologist."

6th grader 2: "Why?"

6th grader 1: "I got a rash!"

plot lines...

Lunch Table

Me: "What are some other funny movies you guys like?"

6th grader: "I love Planes, Trains, and Automobiles!"

Me: "What is that one about?"

6th grader: "I don't know for sure, but it is about these two guys that hide in cars..... I think."

full moon out tonight...

High School Hallway. After a two week winter break some students came back with grown out facial hair.

10th grade girl: "what do you think of his beard?"

10th grader boy: "he looks like a half-ass werewolf."

that is one big dude....

6th grader to me: "Please don't step on me lumberjack!"

tan on...

6th grade hallway, the day after coming back from winter break

(getting defensive after being accused of going to a tanning salon over break as to the reason why he came back tan)

6th grader: "I don't go to the tanning salon, I go to Mexico."

first day back from break...

I grew my beard out over winter break (which was 2 weeks long)

6th grader (after the entire day of telling me what I looked like with a beard): "So, now you look like Big Foot, Santa Claus, Paul Bunyon, and a Caveman."